Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Return to the office...

Dear Readers,

I arrived back at the office – I use the word “office” loosely as in actuality I work in the cramped and musty basement of Ink’s dilapidated mansion, but I digress … I arrived to find the door ajar and the lock broken, with a mess of leaves and dirt having blown in, covered the floor, and frozen there. It seemed clear a break-in had taken place shortly after me having left work on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. However, nothing had been taken. Rather, something had been left. A large, brown paper package sat on my desk with this neat little note from Evelyn:

Edwin Darling!
I lost my keys and am in a terrible hurry, can’t be bothered to hang about, hope your Thanksgiving was delightful. Have you seen the cat?? Why you let all my plants die you horrid thing! But really where is Scout, I looked everywhere for that cat!
Oh excellent news, Silver Tongue is finished! Just typed up the ending the day before last! Needs a tinsy-bit of editing perhaps, but you know me- I am a delightful grammarian, hardly a comma out of place.

P.S. Find Scout!

P.S.S Nabbed my hijab and sunglasses from the disguise closet and also borrowed your copy of Arabian Nights. Are camels really mean? I shall find out soon, have rented one named Lulu online.

P.S.S.S  Promised my fans Silver Tongue would be out by January! Don’t delay.

Well, let me just say it will be a miracle if the words “delightful grammarian” and “hardly a comma out of place” don’t give every member of the Society of Eloquent English simultaneous heart attacks. Also the hulking mess I assume to be the manuscript Evelyn wants “out by January” has left me too fearful even to read the first page. As to Scout ... the whereabouts of that cat have been unknown for some time...

Hope your December is turning out to be more cheery than mind.

This report was brought to you by Mr. Edwin Riddle
Of Public Relations, Personal Investigations, and Subterfuge