Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter to all… except vociferous grammarians.

Dear Readers,

It is I, Evelyn Ink, back from the swamps, bogs, bayous and–– all right fine, those are all just different words for the same thing. I admit I was trying to make it sound more interesting and less muggy and mosquito ridden that it was. To be perfectly honest I can’t give you the exact location of my most recent escapade, as one never knows when one might need to return to the perfect hideout vacation spot. Having returned however, I find myself perfectly appalled by Edwin Riddle’s total neglect of my charming blog! Not only has he failed to post my weekly letters (adventurous tales–– both lavishly written and highly entertaining), but has (to my horror) been instead posting the insane ramblings of that diabolical Grammar Society.
I am quite sure my books are just as splendiddly splendidly edited as any other book on the market. I haven’t read them myself, and am continually hounded by mad grammarians (demanding most ardently that I should look up the correct usage of whom versus who … but let’s be honest, whom is an archaic word and quite drowned by the surging river of linguistic innovation… and who has the time anyway?) Just the same I feel quite certain my novels (though terribly unsettling in many other ways) are perfecty perfectly legable legiable legibel readable!

A cheery and daffodil filled Easter to all!

Evelyn Ink

Monday, March 10, 2014

The Society for Eloquent English strikes again!

Dear Readers,

You may recall that I have received the occasional letter of complaint from the Society of Eloquent English (addressed to Evelyn, of course) and I must tell you now that I have not been taking these letters as seriously as I ought to. The last one, and I quote, said: "This is a warning Evelyn, and though we may not have legal backing, we are not without resources."
         Since then, as you all know, Evelyn's rather poorly edited novel Silver Tongue hit the kindle store and today what I found (nailed to my office door no less) was this:

These words do not mean what you think they mean:
Taunt - Consider looking up the word taut!
Suppose - We can only suppose that you meant to use supposed.
Strait- a narrow passage of water. Did you mean straight?
Irregardless - Surprise! This is not a word.

Okay, so that is actually only the very beginning of the list, but you get the idea! It just went on and on, and though the Department of Good Grammar and Perfect Punctuation didn't exactly sign their name at the end, there was no doubt in my mind that the Society of Eloquent English was behind it all. To be honest it made me more than a bit uncomfortable; sending a letter is one thing, nailing a list of commonly misused words to someone’s door, is another...
As always,

This report was brought to you by Mr. Edwin Riddle
Of Public Relations, Personal Investigations, and Subterfuge

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Postcard from Evelyn Ink

Hello Readers,

I received this postcard from Evelyn Ink (who is apparently in Latvija???) and as it is addressed to all of you, rather than me, I have displayed it here.
Yours in boredom,

Edwin Riddle

P.S. Mrs. Ink really does have icthyopohobia (the fear of fish).

This report was brought to you by Mr. Edwin Riddle
Of Public Relations, Personal Investigations, and Subterfuge

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Official Cover and book blurb are here!

The official cover and (possibly) the official book blurb for Silver Tongue are here - Edwin

Deep in the tunnels and passages of the Grendel mines there is a mystery waiting to be uncovered – a secret weapon left behind and forgotten to all, but a few. As the alliances of a once stable country shift and rumors of civil war take rise, another mystery surfaces: children are disappearing. All over Shalendorf in every city and every province – young men and women are simply … vanishing. When the parlormaid from the Manse at Ivorydeep goes missing along with two children from Catchfrost, Belin Vaulatrix is forced to take notice. For even far from Casterwick and the turmoil of the ruling families, Belin is having some drama of her own; a single letter sealed with the crest of the royal family has brought her world crashing down. It is a request that she cannot refuse, and as the rumors, mystery, and tensions build, Belin plans a disappearance of her own…

Official Release Date is January 10, 2014!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Return to the office...

Dear Readers,

I arrived back at the office – I use the word “office” loosely as in actuality I work in the cramped and musty basement of Ink’s dilapidated mansion, but I digress … I arrived to find the door ajar and the lock broken, with a mess of leaves and dirt having blown in, covered the floor, and frozen there. It seemed clear a break-in had taken place shortly after me having left work on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. However, nothing had been taken. Rather, something had been left. A large, brown paper package sat on my desk with this neat little note from Evelyn:

Edwin Darling!
I lost my keys and am in a terrible hurry, can’t be bothered to hang about, hope your Thanksgiving was delightful. Have you seen the cat?? Why you let all my plants die you horrid thing! But really where is Scout, I looked everywhere for that cat!
Oh excellent news, Silver Tongue is finished! Just typed up the ending the day before last! Needs a tinsy-bit of editing perhaps, but you know me- I am a delightful grammarian, hardly a comma out of place.

P.S. Find Scout!

P.S.S Nabbed my hijab and sunglasses from the disguise closet and also borrowed your copy of Arabian Nights. Are camels really mean? I shall find out soon, have rented one named Lulu online.

P.S.S.S  Promised my fans Silver Tongue would be out by January! Don’t delay.

Well, let me just say it will be a miracle if the words “delightful grammarian” and “hardly a comma out of place” don’t give every member of the Society of Eloquent English simultaneous heart attacks. Also the hulking mess I assume to be the manuscript Evelyn wants “out by January” has left me too fearful even to read the first page. As to Scout ... the whereabouts of that cat have been unknown for some time...

Hope your December is turning out to be more cheery than mind.

This report was brought to you by Mr. Edwin Riddle
Of Public Relations, Personal Investigations, and Subterfuge